The narcissistic parent: impact on children's development and healing through therapy Parental narcissism significantly impacts children's development, while therapy offers a path to healing

Mai Kamal

Children and spouses of narcissistic individuals often experience numerous challenges in their daily lives. They constantly question if they've done something to deserve the abusive treatment they receive. They feel betrayed by the ongoing manipulative behavior they endure from the narcissistic person. Many find themselves grappling with the fairness of life, pondering numerous unanswered questions. In this article we will explore narcissism and its implication on children (1). 

Narcissism encompasses distinct personality traits, with two primary subtypes commonly observed in individuals: vulnerable and grandiose narcissism. Vulnerable narcissism involves hypersensitivity to rejection, insecurity, and a need for recognition to boost self-worth. On the other hand, grandiose narcissism is characterized by high self-esteem, dominance in relationships, and an overestimation of one's abilities. Both types share self-centeredness, an exaggerated sense of importance, and a tendency towards antagonistic behavior in interactions. Both use manipulation to get what they desire. 

The negative effects of both subtypes on the development of the adult child are identified in several studies, focusing on the impact of parental narcissism on their offspring.  Kids raised by very strict parents, think lots of rules and little explanation, might be more likely to become self-absorbed adults, either needing constant admiration (grandiose narcissism) or feeling insecure and needing to prove themselves (vulnerable narcissism) .

While neglectful parenting is a risk factor, even overly warm and controlling parenting styles, like helicopter parenting, can increase a child's chances of developing anxiety disorder. 

Narcissistic parents: impact on adult attachment styles

The analysis of narcissistic parenting styles uncovered correlations between rejection and overprotection behaviors and the emergence of insecure attachment styles, notably avoidance and anxiety, in adult children. The investigation shed light on how these parenting approaches influence the emotional development and attachment patterns of the children, demonstrating a direct connection between narcissistic subtypes and detrimental parenting behaviors (2).

Dynamics and roles in narcissistic families

There is a dynamic within narcissistic families, where children are assigned specific roles to serve the interests of the narcissistic parents. Within these families, it's common for certain children and the spouse to endure various forms of abuse and violence, while others receive preferential treatment. These experiences create a pathological environment that obstructs the healthy development of the children. Moreover, these patterns often persist into their adult lives, potentially repeating in their own relationships. The research focuses on subjects across three generations within such families to understand these dynamics better (3)(4).

The healing journey

In addressing the impact of parental narcissism on children, therapeutic interventions play a crucial role in helping these individuals navigate the emotional aftermath of growing up with a narcissistic parent. Therapy can provide a safe space for adult children of narcissists to explore and process their experiences, understand how parental narcissism has shaped their beliefs and behaviors, and work towards healing from the emotional wounds inflicted during childhood. 

Through therapy, individuals can learn coping strategies, set boundaries, develop self-compassion, and ultimately break free from the cycle of dysfunction that often characterizes relationships within narcissistic families. By seeking professional help and support, adult children of narcissistic parents can embark on a journey of self-discovery, healing, and growth towards building healthier relationships and a more fulfilling life.